[That's right. Seeing it all, they had been more than upset. Someone who they looked up to, respected, saw as a pure figure, stooping to something like murder? They could hardly believe it.]
[But now...]
[Now they know the truth, don't they?]
...You told me what happened. And I...appreciated you didn't try to defend yourself for what you had done, really. All in all, Qingxuan...I think you're a good person.
[her voice trails off. it's not when she starts remembering what happened; she's never really managed to forget it. how to rephrase it...
...when the memories are harder to handle, I'm also able to remember that despite everything, you still like me enough to be my friend. [she manages a small smile.] It chases the bad things away, just like that.
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[A huff! And then they just close their eyes.]
I drink to make myself forget things. If you drink all the time...is there a lot of things you want to forget?
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[her brow furrows in concern, though.]
...what were you trying to forget tonight?
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[And then a thoughtful look...before shaking their head, embracing her a little tighter.]
You know? I don't remember. Guess alcohol did the trick.
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[she says, as if it's the simplest thing in the world. when they tighten their embrace, she shifts a little, but stays settled.]
...well, I suppose that's good, then...?
[if they wanted to forget something, it's better if they can't remember it!]
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[A low huff. They don't think alcohol tastes all that good, great quality or not, but...fine.]
I think you did the trick, too.
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[she smiles and snuggles up to them.]
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[A shake of the head - or well, as much as they can shake their head, snuggled up like this.]
Like Ryan, you make the bad things go away.
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her hold on them tightens almost protectively.]
They can go away and stay away.
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...I want to make the bad things go away for you, too.
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You do.
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[A sigh.]
And how do I do something like that? I feel I don't do enough...
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[because, y'know, the dead knew about eleanor.]
I wouldn't have blamed you for it. [after all, who wants to be friends with a murderer?] ...I kind of hated me.
[so. there's that.]
So the fact that you're still my friend, now... it means a lot. And it makes a lot of things easier.
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[That's right. Seeing it all, they had been more than upset. Someone who they looked up to, respected, saw as a pure figure, stooping to something like murder? They could hardly believe it.]
[But now...]
[Now they know the truth, don't they?]
...You told me what happened. And I...appreciated you didn't try to defend yourself for what you had done, really. All in all, Qingxuan...I think you're a good person.
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[her voice trails off. it's not when she starts remembering what happened; she's never really managed to forget it. how to rephrase it...
...when the memories are harder to handle, I'm also able to remember that despite everything, you still like me enough to be my friend. [she manages a small smile.] It chases the bad things away, just like that.
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[It seems strange, that someone would automatically think of them. Insignificant, inconsequential them.]
Surely you have others to think about?
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[they're not inconsequential to her. they never have been.]
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Oh. [They just manage to say, their cheeks burning - she can probably feel it, with how close they are.] Oh...
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See? So, just know - you do manage to keep the bad things away for me. If that's one of your goals, you've achieved it.
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[Ah, this really doesn't make them feel any better about the continuous trolley problem trainwreck disaster that is their emotions right now.]
I am...very, very happy.
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[she beams at them]
You should always be happy. You deserve that.
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[Deserve that, they mean.]
I just feel I have a lot I need to make up for.
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[...]
Having things to make up for doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy, you know.
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I feel I need to punish myself, though. Because being happy means that I disregard all I've done.
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[she reaches up to run a hand through their hair]
...do you think that's true of everyone who has things to make up for, Douman?
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[The gestures is soothing - they practically melt into it.]
I've done a lot of bad things in my life.
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