...Acknowledging it doesn't mean the same as making up for it. Anyone with eyes can acknowledge one is a bad person. But I have to work...so hard to overcome it. Overcome my very nature, which threatens to ruin everything, I feel.
Acknowledging it is an important part of making up for it, though. You can't even come close to making up for it if you won't do that much.
[some people, she knows, will never, ever acknowledge that they did wrong. it makes dealing with them much more difficult.]
Striving to overcome it, being willing to work hard to do it, wanting to try... none of that is easy. If you're willing to put yourself through that, why shouldn't you allowed to be happy?
I guess it's hard to start feeling differently, when you've felt like that for a long time. But... I know Ryan will do his best to make you happy, and he'll stick by you for as long as it takes to make sure you can believe it.
[a pause, and then with a squeeze of their hands - ]
[said in a very "so there" kind of way - after all, who is it that determines what is and isn't enough? she's happy with the way they treat her.]
Ahaha, do I? I'll let you in on a little secret - I brought some of the nice shampoo from the center back with me, and sometimes I visit other worlds just to pick up different kinds of scents. Really, it's much more efficient than the things we use in my world!
[she giggles at that. douman really is easy to fluster.]
I might not have, but I was asked a few times if there was anything I'd miss when we left, and, well, other than the people - because, obviously I'd miss my friends! - the clothes and the shampoo were some of the first things that came to mind. That and the vending machine.
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You've acknowledged that, though. You're a step ahead of a lot of people who won't even admit that they did wrong. Surely that counts for something.
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...Acknowledging it doesn't mean the same as making up for it. Anyone with eyes can acknowledge one is a bad person. But I have to work...so hard to overcome it. Overcome my very nature, which threatens to ruin everything, I feel.
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[some people, she knows, will never, ever acknowledge that they did wrong. it makes dealing with them much more difficult.]
Striving to overcome it, being willing to work hard to do it, wanting to try... none of that is easy. If you're willing to put yourself through that, why shouldn't you allowed to be happy?
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I don't know. I just always feel like I don't deserve it. I can't think of it any other way.
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[she reaches for both their hands.]
I guess it's hard to start feeling differently, when you've felt like that for a long time. But... I know Ryan will do his best to make you happy, and he'll stick by you for as long as it takes to make sure you can believe it.
[a pause, and then with a squeeze of their hands - ]
I will, too.
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[They murmur, closing their eyes. As they snuggle close, they say, a little louder:]
You smell really good, you know?
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[said in a very "so there" kind of way - after all, who is it that determines what is and isn't enough? she's happy with the way they treat her.]
Ahaha, do I? I'll let you in on a little secret - I brought some of the nice shampoo from the center back with me, and sometimes I visit other worlds just to pick up different kinds of scents. Really, it's much more efficient than the things we use in my world!
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[Because "being her friend" doesn't seem like enough. If only one could pull the moon and stars down for her-!]
Oh? The center? Ah...to think such a good thing could come from there...
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[she might make a list anyway, actually.]
Ahaha, I took some clothes from the closet there, too. It certainly makes dressing for visits much easier!
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[JUST THE VERY IDEA THAT THERE'S A LIST....]
Clothes, too? Ah...I didn't even think of taking anything.
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[she giggles at that. douman really is easy to fluster.]
I might not have, but I was asked a few times if there was anything I'd miss when we left, and, well, other than the people - because, obviously I'd miss my friends! - the clothes and the shampoo were some of the first things that came to mind. That and the vending machine.
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[Says Douman a little roughly. Thank you, drunken stupor. Everything feels so much!]
I guess that makes sense but...wait. W-wait, you didn't take the vending machine, did you?
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[she knows she's cute. it's easy to accept.
but then she sighs.]
No, I didn't take it. I wanted to, though!
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[And a thoughtful (idiotic, drunk) look.]
...Maybe we could go back and somehow get it. I would get a cart and everything. Really big cart.
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[he's sleeping, it's fine]
...ahaha, maybe. But I'm not really sure I want to set foot there again.
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[And a huff.]
Is it still really out there? That base. You think it would just be gone, right?
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Thank you!
[why are they like this...]
...you know, I'm not sure. I haven't even tried to go back. Why would I? Why would any of us?
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...
[Hm.]
The vending machine?
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[a beat]
Are there vending machines in this world?