[ mg hell ] tfln

[liuli]

MCU (MURDERGAME CINEMATIC UNIVERSE) POSTGAME TFLN
if ya don't know, now ya know

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[commedia]

I don't know...

[A low huff. They don't think alcohol tastes all that good, great quality or not, but...fine.]

I think you did the trick, too.

[shiftingwinds]

...I'm not sure if it's good that I make you forgetful, but I'm glad I could help?

[she smiles and snuggles up to them.]

[commedia]

No, not like that.

[A shake of the head - or well, as much as they can shake their head, snuggled up like this.]

Like Ryan, you make the bad things go away.

[shiftingwinds]

[...hm.

her hold on them tightens almost protectively.]

They can go away and stay away.

[commedia]

[Oh, that's tight. And yet they don't pull away.]

...I want to make the bad things go away for you, too.

[shiftingwinds]

[softly:]

You do.

[commedia]

...Do I?

[A sigh.]

And how do I do something like that? I feel I don't do enough...

[shiftingwinds]

...when you came back, I was convinced that you were going to hate me.

[because, y'know, the dead knew about eleanor.]

I wouldn't have blamed you for it. [after all, who wants to be friends with a murderer?] ...I kind of hated me.

[so. there's that.]

So the fact that you're still my friend, now... it means a lot. And it makes a lot of things easier.

[commedia]

...

[That's right. Seeing it all, they had been more than upset. Someone who they looked up to, respected, saw as a pure figure, stooping to something like murder? They could hardly believe it.]

[But now...]

[Now they know the truth, don't they?]

...You told me what happened. And I...appreciated you didn't try to defend yourself for what you had done, really. All in all, Qingxuan...I think you're a good person.

[shiftingwinds]

See, that's what I mean. When I start...

[her voice trails off. it's not when she starts remembering what happened; she's never really managed to forget it. how to rephrase it...

...when the memories are harder to handle, I'm also able to remember that despite everything, you still like me enough to be my friend. [she manages a small smile.] It chases the bad things away, just like that.

[commedia]

...Oh. Just because of me?

[It seems strange, that someone would automatically think of them. Insignificant, inconsequential them.]

Surely you have others to think about?

[shiftingwinds]

Well, yes... but you're the first person that comes to mind.

[they're not inconsequential to her. they never have been.]

[commedia]

[Douman is still very much drunk right now but also the weight of that statement sure does hit them like a bag of bricks in addition to the alcohol.]

Oh. [They just manage to say, their cheeks burning - she can probably feel it, with how close they are.] Oh...

[shiftingwinds]

[she smiles, reaching up to pat their cheek again. oh, warm...]

See? So, just know - you do manage to keep the bad things away for me. If that's one of your goals, you've achieved it.

[commedia]

I wouldn't call it a goal, but...

[Ah, this really doesn't make them feel any better about the continuous trolley problem trainwreck disaster that is their emotions right now.]

I am...very, very happy.

[shiftingwinds]

Good!

[she beams at them]

You should always be happy. You deserve that.

[commedia]

Do I?

[Deserve that, they mean.]

I just feel I have a lot I need to make up for.

[shiftingwinds]

You do.

[...]

Having things to make up for doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy, you know.

[commedia]

[They bury their face a little into the crook of her neck, sighing.]

I feel I need to punish myself, though. Because being happy means that I disregard all I've done.

[shiftingwinds]

...

[she reaches up to run a hand through their hair]

...do you think that's true of everyone who has things to make up for, Douman?

[commedia]

...I think it depends on what you've done.

[The gestures is soothing - they practically melt into it.]

I've done a lot of bad things in my life.

[shiftingwinds]

[well, since they seem to be comforted by that, she certainly won't stop.]

You've acknowledged that, though. You're a step ahead of a lot of people who won't even admit that they did wrong. Surely that counts for something.

[commedia]

[A shake of the head.]

...Acknowledging it doesn't mean the same as making up for it. Anyone with eyes can acknowledge one is a bad person. But I have to work...so hard to overcome it. Overcome my very nature, which threatens to ruin everything, I feel.

[shiftingwinds]

Acknowledging it is an important part of making up for it, though. You can't even come close to making up for it if you won't do that much.

[some people, she knows, will never, ever acknowledge that they did wrong. it makes dealing with them much more difficult.]

Striving to overcome it, being willing to work hard to do it, wanting to try... none of that is easy. If you're willing to put yourself through that, why shouldn't you allowed to be happy?

[commedia]

[There's just silence for a long time.]

I don't know. I just always feel like I don't deserve it. I can't think of it any other way.