glocksuke | [ mg hell ] tfln

1. ill be coming off of 7 days of not drinking.
i havent been this sober since i was in the womb

2. thats what im here for
im literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences

3. grape juice and vodka is NOT wine

4. im full of champagne and rage of course im showing up at his house

5. dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit but dont lemme have antmore

[...or just text her!]

Edited 2021-04-19 21:44 (UTC)

1. Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon.

2. Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink in peace.

3. We are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.

4. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.

[ or text him ]

1. He said I was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade A bitch. Quite complimentary really!

2. Can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? You know what, nvm I want to be surprised.

3. I'm at the casino and some guy apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. It's like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole

4. Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a jerk and some people find it endearing.

[Or text him!!!]

Edited 2021-04-19 21:46 (UTC)

1. So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.

2. So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.

3. Everything that you all said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.

4 (THIS IS SPECIFICALLY DRUNK DOUMAN). i wish i coudl send you meat via computure

[or text him!!]

1. I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, I just know I woke up covered in dried blood. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.

2. But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

3. Secondly, that golf club is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is

[or, you know, just text 'im]

1. I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.

2. you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey!

3. The only coherent words in the 6 texts i received were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions

4. He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride, really.

5. My good Great Liangese morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes.

6. Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want

harrow will be jealous

is that really a question you want answered ?

um
what ?

since when do you and gojou have kids

1. so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. 2. I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this. 3. .......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich. 4. My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic

[Or text him???]

some people are into that
so go for it whoever you are

1. Oh, good! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?

2. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.

3. Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.

4. It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and bad timing to cause destruction wherever I go...

5. You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.

6. I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.

Edited (my typos) 2021-04-19 22:09 (UTC)